Weather is warming, Punxsutawney Phil was wrong about his shadow, and March is less than a week away. No time like late February for a less courageous College Basketball Preview.
Several Cats, Dogs, Mammals, Seafarers, Birds, Folklorean, Human, and Farmers have emerged as true titans of the sport this season. Thunderous dunks and drained threes from the entire animal kingdom will be celebrated by the team at Comedy Crow.
It is shaping up to be a strong year for the cat nickname group, as Auburn has maintained 1 overall status since December. The Land & Sea category looks to have its best year ever, as the SEC’s dominance in Bama and Florida, strong weather teams Iowa State and St Johns, and a fiesty Terrapins crab five brings depth and upside.
The folk group is strong as usual at the top with Duke, Tennessee, and Michigan State. Some fringe names like UNC and Wake Forest will determine whether or not Folk has a chance to put up game changing points.
Early projected counts:
| Group | Cats (14) | Dogs (5) | Folk (9) | Birds (8) | Land/Sea (8) | Humans (8) | Mammals (7) | Farm (5) |
| 1 | Auburn Tigers | UConn Huskies | Duke Blue Devils | Marquette Golden Eagles | Alabama Crimson Tide | Purdue Boilermakers | Wisconsin Badgers | Texas A&M Aggies |
| 2 | Houston Cougars | Mississippi State Bulldogs | Tennessee Volunteers | Kansas Jayhawks | Florida Gators | Illinois Fighting Illini | Michigan Wolverines | Texas Longhorns |
| 3 | Kentucky Wildcats | Gonzaga Bulldogs | Michigan State Spartans | Louisville Cardinals | Iowa State Cyclones | St Mary’s Gaels | UCLA Bruins | Utah State Aggies |
| 4 | Missouri Tigers | Drake Bulldogs | Wake Forest Demon Decons | Oregon Ducks | St Johns Red Storm | Ole Miss Rebels | Baylor Bears | McNeese Cowboys |
| 5 | Arizona Wildcats | Yale Bulldogs | North Carolina Tar Heels | Creighton Bluejays | Texas Tech Red Raiders | Oklahoma Sooners | Virginia Commonwealth Rams | Omaha Mavericks |
| 6 | BYU Cougars | San Diego State Aztecs | Jacksonville State Gamecocks | Maryland Terrapins | West Virginia Mountaineers | Lipscomb Bison | ||
| 7 | Clemson Tigers | Ohio State Buckeyes | Chattanooga Mocs | Vanderbilt Commodores | George Mason Patriots | Arkansas Razorbacks | ||
| 8 | Memphis Tigers | Norfolk State Spartans | SE Missouri State Redhawks | Cleveland State Vikings | Akron Zips | |||
| 9 | High Point Panters | Central CT Blue Devils | ||||||
| 10 | Towson Tigers | |||||||
| 11 | South Alabama Jaguars | |||||||
| 12 | Montana Bobcats | |||||||
| 13 | Quinnipiac Bobcats | |||||||
| 14 | Southern Jaguars |
Projected Groupings:
- Cat – 14
- Dog – 5
- Folk – 9
- Farm – 5
- Mammals – 7
- Sea – 8
- Humans – 8
- Birds 8
Some loose strengths and limitations, mostly with last year’s teams but still some relevant overlap.
| Group 1: CATS (14) |
Auburn, Clemson, Missouri, Grambling State Tigers 
Strengths: large, orange, sometimes named Tony
Limitations: Water, tuna, Frosted flakes
Houston 
Strengths: still looking great in her old age
Limitations: traumatic ruining of Homeward Bound
Arizona, Kentucky Wildcats
Strengths: Unpredictable nature at that size certain to cause damage
Limitations: wild card life not for everyone
Montana State Bobcats (16)
Strengths: Bob and Cat ideal names for singer songwriters
Limitations: Mostly known for construction prowess
| Group 2: DOGS (5) |
Connecticut Huskies
Strengths: Conflicting priorities with Iditarod race still going on
Limitations: Wolves call them soft
Gonzaga, Mississippi State, Drake, Yale, Samford Bulldogs
strengths: Goofy facial expressions make for a good pet
limitations: Bulldogs, like these team’s lineups, are mostly white
New Mexico Lobos
Strengths: Lobo was the leader of the pack of wolves that dominated the Currumpaw River Valley of northeastern New Mexico in the early 1890s.
Limitations: what have you done lately, Lobo?
| Group 3: HIGHLY COMPETENT WILDERNESS MAMMALS (7) |
Baylor Bears
Strengths: intimating size, prolific back-scratcher, strong right and left hook Limitations: daylight savings a long transition for this crew
Wisconsin Badgers
Strengths: best player named Chucky
Limitations: head in the dirt searching for worms. mistaken for skunks
Colorado Buffaloes
strengths: Great sauce and chicken dip. Guy on a buffalo
limitations: Weird bdubs commercial with sauce gardner. Hard to dribble with hooves and big upper body.
*Colorado State Rams
Strengths: head-butts, Al Green Song
Limitations: still kinda sheep-like. no Aaron Donald on this team either
Grand Canyon Antelopes
Strengths: you have to run like an antelope, out of control
Limitations: more prancing and dancing than physical prowess
Akron Zips
Strengths: Hopping, kangaroo kicks, zipper making
Limitations: weighed down by the baby
South Dakota State Jackrabbits
Strengths: Rabbits named Jack are more successful
Limitations: Turtle nemesis shocked confidence
Oakland Golden Grizzlies
Strengths: Back scratching, hibernation
Limitations: Golden Grahams much tastier
*Howard Bison
Strengths: rolling with the herd, stampedes, taking out Mufasa
Limitations: excellent in burger form
| Group 4: WISE BIRDS (8) |
Kansas Jayhawks
strengths: Jaywalking, sleepwalking through regular season til tourney time
limitations: Bluejay and riverhawk combination cause identity issues
Marquette Golden Eagles 
Strengths: America, freedom, Budweiser cans
Limitations: Eagle teams never deliver unless big Nick is involved
Creighton Bluejays
strengths: Blue coat looks sharp every day
Limitations: Canadian-ness
South Carolina Gamecocks
Strengths: fights with the chest out, very masculine bird
Limitations: they’ve come to snuff the rooster
Florida Atlantic Owls 
Strengths: Night vision, Hooting, Hooters, Hooting at Hooters in the night
Limitations: day games neutralize nocturnal advantage
Oregon Ducks
strengths: V formation. Quacking. Not as annoying as geese
limitations: southern migration, breadcrumb dependance
Morehead State Eagles
Strengths: simultaneous dive bomb
Limitations:
St Peter’s Peacocks
Strengths: confident in fanning out its extravagant feathers
Limitations: Streaming Platform everyone’s favorite to rip on
Wagner Seahawks
Strengths: Willingness to fly over the sea opens up food opportunities
Limitations: famous seattle seahawk Bobby Wagner no affiliation with this team
| Group 5: LAND & SEA (8) |
Iowa State Cyclones
Strengths: Baby Bash and T-Pain song still slaps
Limitations: Erratic, prone to emotional spirals
Alabama Crimson Tide
Strengths: basketball paying as much as football for once.
Limitations: Fans used all their prayers to get into the football playoff
Florida Gators
Strengths: river king of the jungle is all muscle with a ferocious bite
Limitations: the medulla oblongata
TCU Horned Frogs
Strengths: hypnotoad mating patterns, living under rocks with a nice buzz
Limitations: crossing street traffic
Texas Tech Red Raiders, Colgate Raiders
Strengths: Pillaging on the sea, cannon use
Limitations: Desired target of sea police investigations
Long Beach State Beach
Strengths: And what a great job you do at beach!
Limitations: Fish are friends, not food. Sharkbait ooh ha ha.
| Group 6: FOLKLORE & MYTHOLOGY (9) |
Tennessee Volunteers
Strengths: community service, unpaid internships, following the NCAA rules
Limitations: Rent payments, Ramen dependance
Duke Blue Devils
Strengths: Coach K still pulling NCAA Basketball strings
Limitation: Filipowski the new trip guy
Michigan State Spartans
Strengths: keto diet, angry disposition well suited for current era
Limitations: Little war / life balance
San Diego State Aztecs
Strengths: calendar making, predictions
Limitations: Cortez the killer still serving that life sentence
UNC Tar Heels
strengths: slowing military opponents through innovative trench warfare
limitations: Civil War explanation of Tar Heel sounds like old man nonsense
UAB Blazers
Strengths: hanging with Kaleesi and Jon Snow, burning down Kings Landing
Limitations: falling in love with Donkey
Western Kentucky Hilltoppers
Strengths: pickin a banjo in an old timey string band
Limitations: SAT scores, well water quality
| Group 7: INTIMIDATING HUMANS (8) |
Purdue Boilermakers
strengths: Resume building skill-set once brought steady employment
limitations: automation rendered them obsolete
Illinois Fighting Illini
Strengths: Don’t mess with Chief Sitting Cow at The Lodge
Limitations: Limited support from namesake tribes
St Mary’s Gaels 
Strengths: soda bread, ripping the lyre and celtic flute solos
Limitations: Gaelic language still banned from EU meetings
Dayton Flyers
strengths: flying, airplanes, rocket ships
limitations: fuel prices, exploration costs, failed prototypes still in ocean off Florida coast
Nebraska Cornhuskers
strengths: its corn!
limitations: demand coming from high fructose corn syrup, ethanol, and moonshine
Stetson Hatters (16)
strengths: leather, bucket, snapback versatility
limitations: first time in tourney and out of alice in wonderland
| GROUP 8: FARMERS AND FARM BEASTS (5) |
Texas Longhorns
Strengths: grass-fed winners that use giant head to moo and say hook em
Limitations: cow-tipping, late night cattle theft
Texas A&M, Utah State Aggies
Strengths: tending to the land, hoping for a fertile spring
Limitations: network connectivity issues
Boise State Broncos
Strengths: Statue of Liberty, blue turf, Kellen Moore
Limitations: their Denver counterpart’s Russell Wilson dumpster fire bad for the brand
McNeese State Cowboys
Strengths: Yellowstone popularity bump after years of Kid Rock songs
Limitations: Dallas counterparts set back the brand
Longwood Lancers
Strengths: Jousting, neighing, prancing
Limitations: Steeplechase, stud fees