Doctor’s can’t like their patients self medicating. Like this interaction with Dr. Leo Spaceman, my Dermatologist, on a Monday afternoon: Dr: Any over the counter medicine you’re taking? Me: Just a face cream I found on Amazon Dr: Oh you’re…
My favorite scene in Forrest Gump is when Bubba lists different types of shrimp. There’s pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich. That – that’s about it. Bubba’s family would probably sell milks these days. You got almond, oat, cashew,…
Adventurous bike rides to meet friends for a drink rarely turn out normal. Most people walk, drive, take an uber, subway to the hang out. The biker comes in having finished a real life peloton work out and saw some…
They say to get to heaven, you’ve gotta walk through a little hell. That’s why God got airpods. He is chillin listening to Spotify walking through that dumpster fire. God calls them his Air Gods and only listens to Creed…
Argentina won the World Cup and millions partied in Buenos Aires. Doesn’t Buenos Aires sound like a greeting? Someone says “Hey Hack” and you say “Jeff, my dude, Buenos Aires.” If an Argentinian said Buenos Aires to me, I’m like…
Standup is like having a girlfriend, except your girlfriend has a lot of boyfriends. She likes almost all of these other boyfriends more than you. You spend time with her every week, but the other boyfriends are hanging out with her in…
You guys want some one liners? meet me in the bathroom after the set we will cut up some one liners. Anyone Can Cook My friend’s niece wanted to watch the movie where the rat cooks spaghetti. So I put…
Some people are like slinkies… They don’t really have a purpose, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs. – Jack Handey. Some people are also like Christopher Columbus. They show up to…