Fumble Friday: Argentina World Cup Parade and Aioli vs. Mayonnaise

Argentina won the World Cup and millions partied in Buenos Aires.

Doesn’t Buenos Aires sound like a greeting? Someone says “Hey Hack” and you say “Jeff, my dude, Buenos Aires.” If an Argentinian said Buenos Aires to me, I’m like man, let’s forget about the turmoil in our government, the hyper inflation making a slice of bread $25. Let’s party in the street for at least six days for this Messi championship.

Aioli vs. Mayo
When I try aioli, it makes me worry about the future of mayonnaise. It’s one of those “mayonnaise — haven’t heard that name in years” situations. Isn’t aioli just mayonnaise that’s studied abroad? Its like the democracy of condiments. It tasted pretty good and kept our sandwiches glued together for centuries, but now we’ve discovered some better sauces out there. You can go garlic, spicy, lemon dill — they’re all fire. Mayonnaise is sucking down Marlboro Reds in the corner of a bar wondering what happened while aioli is in bed with every meal kit service around. Get your self together, Hellmans, and give us a contemporary mayo candidate we can get excited about.

I thought I could benefit from a service that helps me manage my monthly subscriptions, so I downloaded an app called Truebill. Turns out Truebill is also a subscription service. Another instagram ad I convinced myself I needed. This is my Fyre Fest.

Checking In On Jack’s Game

I went out with a doctor girl who had absolutely no time outside of 9:30 p.m. – 10:30 p.m. She liked to watch reality TV during this time frame. We were watching an episode of Below Deck on the Bravo channel, when one of the guy characters was being obnoxious so I said “wanna do boat stuff?” She said no with a confused look, but we started making out. She crossed her legs when I started to get handsy. This is the third date, lady, I’ve seen Below Deck on TV, now I wanna see it in person. I say “what’s goin on below deck” and she says I dunno, I’m not watching. And that was our last date.

It’s hard having such a punchable face.

Whether you’re Colin Jost, Colin Cowherd, or just a guy named Colin, if you have a punchable face your options in life are:

  • take the long road to the corporate middle keep your head down at your 9-5 job
  • become a polarizing talking head

One reason I miss masks is they cover the face’s most punchable parts.

Bringing in the New Year with some MSG Phish shows and late night Comedy Cellar trips. Analysis coming in future posts.

-Hack Jowens

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