Wanderer Wednesday: Interest Rates and Sleepwalking

Standup is like having a girlfriend,

except your girlfriend has a lot of boyfriends. She likes almost all of these other boyfriends more than you. You spend time with her every week, but the other boyfriends are hanging out with her in different states, committing their whole lives to her while you have a day job. You’re not ready to introduce her to your parents, and you’ve already been lying to your parents about how many open mics you’re going to a week. 

You are the person you are when you’re taking a left-hand turn on green. If you’re like me, you pass up a lot of great opportunities before making a really bad decision.

Sleepwalker Sleeps Tonight

I’m a sleepwalker. Sleepwalking when you’re a kid is somewhat normal, but as an adult its just a really bad way to get your steps in. Your FitBit will have you think you got a productive night sleep, but in reality, you were wandering in circles around the living room muttering in a language unspoken for thousands of years. Maybe you rearranged the medicine cabinet and switched up all the throw pillows, or you mistook a desktop computer for a toilet and and caused $1,500.00 worth of damage. Now you can’t pay rent and are forced to sleep back on your friends couch. Sleepwalking is a highly cyclical surprise-filled activity.

Adulting at Lunch

When your coworkers are all having lunch together and seem to have not invited you, doesn’t it remind you of high school when your main table was full so you’d risk it all and sit at a table you weren’t that close with only to realize your mom packed you smushed PB & J and no Doritos? So the leader of this new table says “come back when you’ve got some Frito Lay shit,” as he dumps a bag of BBQ Frito twists in his mouth. You end up sitting alone like Stephen Glansburg. Glansburg was ready for the working world, he’s got his podcasts to hang out with at lunch.

Interest Rates

I’m not a fan of the term interest rates. Is my credit card and bank interested in taking more money from me? Is it interesting how little money I have? Would it be even more interesting if we raised your rates and compounded the one on your student loan so you’ll have something with you til the day you die?

Wrapping It Up

Thanks for your support crowers. Soliciting any user-submitted jokes or stories, you will be rewarded, possibly compensated, and given due credit unless anonymity is your preference (as it probably should be.) Is it your dream to have your joke in a newsletter? Well that is a really attainable dream, and you can certainly do better.

Check the blog for more http://comedycrow.com/. One love.

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